Justin you are quickly becoming one of my fav substack writers.
"Rough (or terrible) parents can lead to great men, but great men don’t often produce great men. They often produce “decent people” and that’s it. Why? Because they inflict comfort upon their kids, not misery."
well put. there is certainly some cyclicality to it. man who suffered as a child has better chances of becoming great, but anyone who suffered most likely do not wish the same upon their child.
i also think whether being harsh (i hesitate to use the word ‘mean' because of its negative connotation) is right or not also stems from the intention or motivation of such harshness. is it truly for the child's benefit and growth, hence out of genuine love? or is it for selfish intentions such as projecting power and gaining authority, ie to make parenthood easier, hence out of laziness?
is it indeed another distinction that requires wisdom and deft-hands, and a big heart. but i guess that is the essence of the challenge of parenthood isnt it: to give up one's self/ego, and one's own struggles and pain for the pure and total benefit of growth of the child. Aka to love.
Thanks for all the thoughtful content. There's something about growing up in a family that's always one job loss away from serious financial trouble that simply can't be replicated in a household without that condition. Also, I reckon 'great' people have some required preconditions, but every one of them also had lucky circumstances that propelled them to actual greatness. Not even arguing against your point; just adding a little color.
I think the reason that most people with terrible or absent dads end up great is coz they are forced at an early stage in life to figure out things for themselves. To do this, they have to learn how the world works, the real world, which is something most people with good dads take too long to learn. Also, without a dad, you don't have a scale for what is a good achievement and what is a great achievement. The downside is that you could be happy with mediocre, but the upside is that you could swing for the fences and you will not think of yourself as trying to surpass some kind of limit. Personally I've seen my dad about 20 times, and most were not pleasant. I have the jet fuel. I also have many problems because of it.
From my own experience(s), we all face struggles in our lives many times. IF we have a solid foundation provided by our parents from the way they raised us and loved us, those hard times will eventually make us stronger, as we will have something to fall back to (strong moral values, integrity and backbone).
I agree with you: it is a very tricky and difficult balance to love unconditionally yet still being able to draw lines.
Justin you are quickly becoming one of my fav substack writers.
"Rough (or terrible) parents can lead to great men, but great men don’t often produce great men. They often produce “decent people” and that’s it. Why? Because they inflict comfort upon their kids, not misery."
well put. there is certainly some cyclicality to it. man who suffered as a child has better chances of becoming great, but anyone who suffered most likely do not wish the same upon their child.
i also think whether being harsh (i hesitate to use the word ‘mean' because of its negative connotation) is right or not also stems from the intention or motivation of such harshness. is it truly for the child's benefit and growth, hence out of genuine love? or is it for selfish intentions such as projecting power and gaining authority, ie to make parenthood easier, hence out of laziness?
is it indeed another distinction that requires wisdom and deft-hands, and a big heart. but i guess that is the essence of the challenge of parenthood isnt it: to give up one's self/ego, and one's own struggles and pain for the pure and total benefit of growth of the child. Aka to love.
Thought provoking - I don't fully agree with your hypothesis - but I an't find a complete argument to argue against it. Catch 22
Thanks for all the thoughtful content. There's something about growing up in a family that's always one job loss away from serious financial trouble that simply can't be replicated in a household without that condition. Also, I reckon 'great' people have some required preconditions, but every one of them also had lucky circumstances that propelled them to actual greatness. Not even arguing against your point; just adding a little color.
I think the reason that most people with terrible or absent dads end up great is coz they are forced at an early stage in life to figure out things for themselves. To do this, they have to learn how the world works, the real world, which is something most people with good dads take too long to learn. Also, without a dad, you don't have a scale for what is a good achievement and what is a great achievement. The downside is that you could be happy with mediocre, but the upside is that you could swing for the fences and you will not think of yourself as trying to surpass some kind of limit. Personally I've seen my dad about 20 times, and most were not pleasant. I have the jet fuel. I also have many problems because of it.
Excellent thoughts and pondering.
From my own experience(s), we all face struggles in our lives many times. IF we have a solid foundation provided by our parents from the way they raised us and loved us, those hard times will eventually make us stronger, as we will have something to fall back to (strong moral values, integrity and backbone).
I agree with you: it is a very tricky and difficult balance to love unconditionally yet still being able to draw lines.