About 18 months ago I was in search of a new car and some co-workers thought a BMW would fit me. Told them, "nah, those are for D-Bags". Didn't explore why I felt that way, just have always had a sense. Your essay fills in some of those gaps. Might even send it to the guy who made the suggestion. Ended up with a used Infiniti Q50. Great car, paid cash, and plan to drive it for 10-15 years.
The section on middle mgmt really hit home. My position was recently eliminated, and while I wasn't alone, it was obvious I had fallen out of favor with new leadership which influenced their decision to serve me up on the altar. And I could have spent the last 9 months trying to secure their approval, so as to save my job, but our values weren't aligned, so I continued taking care of the business and the team, serving them just as I always had.
Regardless of what happens next for me, I'd make that choice again 100 times out of 100.
I'll take that status any day and for all days over the superficial status I would have received, along with my employment, from the self-serving / self-absobered leaders who place their own interests above those of the team.
Oh I am so right here with you on this one. And yes, from my close experience having known several of them including some family member, BMW buyers are in fact self righteous jackasses. The car doesn't make them into one.
Personally I am team KIA all the way and it actually makes me laugh when people make fun of my KIA when it has operated flawlessly with zero maintenance for 12 years, and has every single feature and is basically exactly the same as more expensive cars in every way...it just cost half as much.
I am a full on reverse snob on all three of these things (and plenty of others) and look down on people who waste money on stupid status symbols when the exact same thing is available at a much lower price. My whole family and lots of friends are blue bubble iPhone people and they taunt me mercilessly to join their cult and there is no way it will ever happen. Also the camera on my phone is way better. 😊
This is something I have to actually reign in sometimes to make sure my reverse snobbery is not turning into actual snobbery because...idk I really sort of feel like so many people are dumbasses that if would be a discredit if they actually admired or aspired to anything I have or do. Lol. Which is pretty snotty of me, but that's sort of how I feel. Who could want to impress such people?!
Blue bubble iPhone people. Sounds like the quasi-villain in a Dr. Seuss story. (Actually, I was trying to turn the blue bubble thing into a Dr. Seuss rhythm as I wrote this, but I gave up so I could get back to work.)
Noo that's not snotty of you. I mean yes it is, but then it's also snotty of me.
Look at us. We're snotty.
I admire people who ignore all this nonsense and just make intelligent decisions in and of themselves. You and your Kia are my hero.
Love this one. Particularly because I have a special hatred for BMW drivers and the iPhones are without a doubt getting worse every year.
I’ve been personally victimized by BMWs almost causing an accident/cutting me off so many times. Two of my friends inherited BMWs when they were young from well-meaning grandparents and ended up constantly stranded. They both own Subarus now. Also I include Land Rover and Jaguar in the same category as BMW.
And I just think you summarized in the clearest way I’ve seen why I have so much resistance to playing the promotion game at work. It feels like leaving my role as me and becoming a one-dimensional paid actor for the company… I guess the trick is if you can thread the needle between a version of you that you want to be and what the company will deem within the bounds of acceptable.
Are they not just the absolute worst? I mean both the cars and the people who drive them.
I find it funny how both of your friends went through the same problem and ended up at the same place. Japanese cars are the bees' knees. I actually don't know where the apostrophe goes in bees.
Yes like you said some people can naturally align with the vision of the company. And that's a stroke of good luck. Most people have to be like you and me and say fuck that because we have to maintain some self-respect. Which is not easy.
I think the vehicle is both chicken and egg. I've never owned a pickup, but I've certainly driven one on a number of occasions. There IS some psychological effect imparted when sitting high above the road in a massive vehicle, looking down on other cars. It does enhance your sense of dominance and control -- probably similar to the rationale for having the king's throne be elevated.
I've also driven a few very fast, agile cars (Porsche, Aston, etc) that friends or colleagues have owned. It doesn't take long before small holes in traffic start looking a lot more viable. And, if squeezing your big toe a bit adds 20 mph to your speed, you may accidentally start creeping up on other cars a bit...
At the same time, it seems vehicle manufacturers are trying to embrace the whole culture of belligerence as a marketing technique. I want to say that maybe 10? 15? years ago, BMWs actually looked rather understated. Now they all apparently have massive grills that are calculated to look imposing, or perhaps intimidating, even. Probably something in our evolutionary history that yields this impression (big animals had big mouths and might eat us). So people who want to present that image are drawn to the brand for that reason, rather than appreciation of any German engineering prowess. Pickups have followed a similar route. I don't remember an F-150 from the 90s as being much bigger than a sedan (although I wasn't driving then), but now the hood is what, 5? feet tall, plus the extra lights, aggressive grille, etc.
Those are good points. There is something so... inherently self-celebratory about driving a pickup truck that is 3 times the size of every other consumer vehicle. Makes you feel invincible maybe. Makes you feel like a predator.
Which is a shame because those trucks shouldn't be street legal. Yea in the '90s they were still utility vehicles. Now they are battering rams which, upon colliding with another vehicle, leave the pickup driver unharmed while almost certainly killing or crippling whoever is in the other car. It's just profoundly unsafe. It's a redistribution of both status and safety away from average people and into the owners of massive vehicles.
Have you read Nassim Taleb's Skin in the Game? It's all about the value of costly signaling. I enjoyed it, you may as well.
I like how you talk about having an awareness of the typical status signals around us, suggest that they can be called into question, and offer some alternatives to counter what's out there, including being like a wise, quiet elder. I think there's wisdom in this.
I think there's also an aspect of some of the dumb/idiosyncratic tendencies in our fellow man that we don't need to rage against necessarily, even if we don't want to emulate them and don't see them as virtuous. The Prince and 48 Laws of Power talk about ways a courtier may leverage the human nature of others to their own ends, while fully acknowledging human dysfunction.
I never could read Taleb... I find that he always says 1500 words where 80 will do. But I have encountered his themes, and quotes from his books, over and over elsewhere which I'm happy about. He really nailed it with his basic concepts for all his books.
Loved this. I've always been high-status interpersonally because I don't give a shit about impressing people, but I never had a lot of money. Now that I have money status too, I know exactly what you mean. I see it most at the airport. Some act like flying private is something really special that they deserve, showing up in heels and suits and Louis Vuitton luggage. Some are wide-eyed about it and think it's impressive and amazing, and try to fit in with the "classy" travelers. But the highest status people simply recognize that a plane is a convenient way to get from Point A to Point B- and pilot their own aircrafts. There's nothing more low-status than hiring someone else to fly your plane for you, which is basically the type of person who would buy a BMW. This whole essay was spot on.
The last year, in particular, has given me much to think on around status. Especially regarding those who believe they have lost or are losing theirs due to cultural “shifts” and are finding vindication by choosing to act on their own worst selves.
I’m in the process of writing something about social hierarchies and how they influence us, so this was very interesting to read. Especially love your conclusion that all status games are actually in the pursuit of relationships.
Right. Even people who chase power for power's sake, are still actually chasing a relationship - one where they relate to others through power. Without other humans, status doesn't exist. It's all about relationships.
I’ve had iPhones for 10+ years and never noticed the bubble color difference until this post. I’ve never heard anyone mention it despite being in a coastal city with mostly iPhone people.
So much I could say here. Really loved this one.
About 18 months ago I was in search of a new car and some co-workers thought a BMW would fit me. Told them, "nah, those are for D-Bags". Didn't explore why I felt that way, just have always had a sense. Your essay fills in some of those gaps. Might even send it to the guy who made the suggestion. Ended up with a used Infiniti Q50. Great car, paid cash, and plan to drive it for 10-15 years.
The section on middle mgmt really hit home. My position was recently eliminated, and while I wasn't alone, it was obvious I had fallen out of favor with new leadership which influenced their decision to serve me up on the altar. And I could have spent the last 9 months trying to secure their approval, so as to save my job, but our values weren't aligned, so I continued taking care of the business and the team, serving them just as I always had.
Regardless of what happens next for me, I'd make that choice again 100 times out of 100.
I'll take that status any day and for all days over the superficial status I would have received, along with my employment, from the self-serving / self-absobered leaders who place their own interests above those of the team.
Take care, man, and have a great holiday.
Really appreciate your writings.
Rudy
Well I don't envy the position they put you in, but I admire you for sticking to your own values.
And if you ever run into members of your team elsewhere, they'll remember that.
Really appreciate it man, happy holidays.
Oh I am so right here with you on this one. And yes, from my close experience having known several of them including some family member, BMW buyers are in fact self righteous jackasses. The car doesn't make them into one.
Personally I am team KIA all the way and it actually makes me laugh when people make fun of my KIA when it has operated flawlessly with zero maintenance for 12 years, and has every single feature and is basically exactly the same as more expensive cars in every way...it just cost half as much.
I am a full on reverse snob on all three of these things (and plenty of others) and look down on people who waste money on stupid status symbols when the exact same thing is available at a much lower price. My whole family and lots of friends are blue bubble iPhone people and they taunt me mercilessly to join their cult and there is no way it will ever happen. Also the camera on my phone is way better. 😊
This is something I have to actually reign in sometimes to make sure my reverse snobbery is not turning into actual snobbery because...idk I really sort of feel like so many people are dumbasses that if would be a discredit if they actually admired or aspired to anything I have or do. Lol. Which is pretty snotty of me, but that's sort of how I feel. Who could want to impress such people?!
Blue bubble iPhone people. Sounds like the quasi-villain in a Dr. Seuss story. (Actually, I was trying to turn the blue bubble thing into a Dr. Seuss rhythm as I wrote this, but I gave up so I could get back to work.)
Noo that's not snotty of you. I mean yes it is, but then it's also snotty of me.
Look at us. We're snotty.
I admire people who ignore all this nonsense and just make intelligent decisions in and of themselves. You and your Kia are my hero.
Love this one. Particularly because I have a special hatred for BMW drivers and the iPhones are without a doubt getting worse every year.
I’ve been personally victimized by BMWs almost causing an accident/cutting me off so many times. Two of my friends inherited BMWs when they were young from well-meaning grandparents and ended up constantly stranded. They both own Subarus now. Also I include Land Rover and Jaguar in the same category as BMW.
And I just think you summarized in the clearest way I’ve seen why I have so much resistance to playing the promotion game at work. It feels like leaving my role as me and becoming a one-dimensional paid actor for the company… I guess the trick is if you can thread the needle between a version of you that you want to be and what the company will deem within the bounds of acceptable.
Are they not just the absolute worst? I mean both the cars and the people who drive them.
I find it funny how both of your friends went through the same problem and ended up at the same place. Japanese cars are the bees' knees. I actually don't know where the apostrophe goes in bees.
Yes like you said some people can naturally align with the vision of the company. And that's a stroke of good luck. Most people have to be like you and me and say fuck that because we have to maintain some self-respect. Which is not easy.
I think the vehicle is both chicken and egg. I've never owned a pickup, but I've certainly driven one on a number of occasions. There IS some psychological effect imparted when sitting high above the road in a massive vehicle, looking down on other cars. It does enhance your sense of dominance and control -- probably similar to the rationale for having the king's throne be elevated.
I've also driven a few very fast, agile cars (Porsche, Aston, etc) that friends or colleagues have owned. It doesn't take long before small holes in traffic start looking a lot more viable. And, if squeezing your big toe a bit adds 20 mph to your speed, you may accidentally start creeping up on other cars a bit...
At the same time, it seems vehicle manufacturers are trying to embrace the whole culture of belligerence as a marketing technique. I want to say that maybe 10? 15? years ago, BMWs actually looked rather understated. Now they all apparently have massive grills that are calculated to look imposing, or perhaps intimidating, even. Probably something in our evolutionary history that yields this impression (big animals had big mouths and might eat us). So people who want to present that image are drawn to the brand for that reason, rather than appreciation of any German engineering prowess. Pickups have followed a similar route. I don't remember an F-150 from the 90s as being much bigger than a sedan (although I wasn't driving then), but now the hood is what, 5? feet tall, plus the extra lights, aggressive grille, etc.
Those are good points. There is something so... inherently self-celebratory about driving a pickup truck that is 3 times the size of every other consumer vehicle. Makes you feel invincible maybe. Makes you feel like a predator.
Which is a shame because those trucks shouldn't be street legal. Yea in the '90s they were still utility vehicles. Now they are battering rams which, upon colliding with another vehicle, leave the pickup driver unharmed while almost certainly killing or crippling whoever is in the other car. It's just profoundly unsafe. It's a redistribution of both status and safety away from average people and into the owners of massive vehicles.
Have you read Nassim Taleb's Skin in the Game? It's all about the value of costly signaling. I enjoyed it, you may as well.
I like how you talk about having an awareness of the typical status signals around us, suggest that they can be called into question, and offer some alternatives to counter what's out there, including being like a wise, quiet elder. I think there's wisdom in this.
I think there's also an aspect of some of the dumb/idiosyncratic tendencies in our fellow man that we don't need to rage against necessarily, even if we don't want to emulate them and don't see them as virtuous. The Prince and 48 Laws of Power talk about ways a courtier may leverage the human nature of others to their own ends, while fully acknowledging human dysfunction.
I never could read Taleb... I find that he always says 1500 words where 80 will do. But I have encountered his themes, and quotes from his books, over and over elsewhere which I'm happy about. He really nailed it with his basic concepts for all his books.
Loved this. I've always been high-status interpersonally because I don't give a shit about impressing people, but I never had a lot of money. Now that I have money status too, I know exactly what you mean. I see it most at the airport. Some act like flying private is something really special that they deserve, showing up in heels and suits and Louis Vuitton luggage. Some are wide-eyed about it and think it's impressive and amazing, and try to fit in with the "classy" travelers. But the highest status people simply recognize that a plane is a convenient way to get from Point A to Point B- and pilot their own aircrafts. There's nothing more low-status than hiring someone else to fly your plane for you, which is basically the type of person who would buy a BMW. This whole essay was spot on.
That's a funny example which makes sense to me, and thank you
The last year, in particular, has given me much to think on around status. Especially regarding those who believe they have lost or are losing theirs due to cultural “shifts” and are finding vindication by choosing to act on their own worst selves.
I’m in the process of writing something about social hierarchies and how they influence us, so this was very interesting to read. Especially love your conclusion that all status games are actually in the pursuit of relationships.
Right. Even people who chase power for power's sake, are still actually chasing a relationship - one where they relate to others through power. Without other humans, status doesn't exist. It's all about relationships.
I’ve had iPhones for 10+ years and never noticed the bubble color difference until this post. I’ve never heard anyone mention it despite being in a coastal city with mostly iPhone people.
Are you sure this is a thing people care about?
Unfortunately it's pretty prevalent where I live