Things I've Been Thinking About
Volume 3
As I’ve said before, most of my writing ideas are not long enough (or complex enough) to become full posts. So once in a while I like to compile them into a list for smaller, easier reading. Here are some things I’ve thought, realized, or been contemplating recently.
Nonfiction is a genre that you should conquer in about 2 or 3 years, and then mostly never touch again.
Once you've learned all the “habits,” the “systems,” the life coach-style advice for living, you graduate to fiction. Because that's where all the fresh ideas are. That's the only place left to learn things.
Related:
There is nothing more endlessly profitable than selling self-help to those who don't actually help themselves.
There are many, many people who are on a nonfiction treadmill: they keep reading different ideas about how to live the life they want, all the while continuing to live one they don’t. They pay to be told what they want to hear. Which is a very common theme in all of media.
The easiest way to become enslaved is to first become the kind of person who could become enslaved. Which means that even if Orwell was right, Huxley will be right first.
What do women want?
My honest answer is, it depends entirely on the day. And even the hour. Not to mention the woman herself. Which, a) is a huge pain in the ass for men to figure out, but b) it's our job to try anyway. Will we ever figure it out completely? Not a chance. But a good man is complex enough and persistent enough to try.
One minute she wants you to be more serious and vulnerable. Then she wants you to be playful. Then she wants a dream house. Then she wants a simple life. Then she wants you to be nice to her. Then she wants you to be in charge of her. On and on. If you’re paying attention, it seems like her desires are morphing. Like even she doesn’t know what she wants.
Women's desires are too big and too ambiguous to fit inside the nice, neat, orderly filing cabinet of male understanding. And that's what drives men crazy. Men's worst sin is that they want to understand women. What they really ought to be trying is to play with them. To keep up with their desires, and to have fun in doing so. You can mostly keep up with a woman's desires even if you don't understand them.
Recently I heard someone boil it all the way down to the simplest possible idea:
Women want.
That might be the most illuminating sentence I’ve ever read.
I think the dumbest and most absurd behavior in all of human life is how people sit around marveling at how cute their cats are. Like, as if it's absolutely baffling; as if they simply cannot believe it.
I try really hard not to say the words “I don't get it” about other people's behavior. It's always better to try to understand.
But I don't get this. And frankly I don't want to. If I ever become that idly sentimental, shoot me.
One of the worst things you can do to yourself is to violently take sides, on anything, without finding out any facts for yourself.
In family arguments, political debates, religious debates, or fights between friends.
If you listen to only one person's side of the story, you can be sure that a) you're being misled and b) you're going to end up looking stupid.
Superheroes have never interested me because they're a child's idea of a hero. They're juvenile figures for a juvenile mind. They're completely separated from reality into theatrical heroics that never actually take place in real life.
The man who comes home every day and chooses his wife and children over all of the other temptations in life: that's a hero. A person who speaks up at work about a young woman being bullied. That's a hero. A person who is honest on a daily basis. That's a hero.
You're never going to get a chance to save a woman falling off of a skyscraper. That's not real life. So it's not worth reading.
As a side note: I think the rise in superhero movies is a direct result of people not being able to realistically see themselves as heroes. And that’s sad.
There are very few things that make me feel like “a beautiful person.” Because I just don't find much value in that kind of self-praise.
But being able to play the piano makes me feel like a beautiful person.
Related:
If there’s something you want to be good at in ten years, do it for ten minutes today. That decision isn’t made later. It’s made now.
If you give away your self-respect, everything else will be taken from you.
The main function of reason is to swindle you out of what is most basic, most essential, and most unreasonable: love.
I often hear economists say “The consumer is fine.” When faced with claims that the consumer is having a hard time, or that inflation is a problem, et cetera, this is how many economists respond. And it’s bullshit, for the following reason.
The time horizon of today's dollar is longer. More units of time are being squeezed into each consumer dollar.
What do I mean by that?
Our grandparents had the luxury of working for 40 years and then relying on pensions and social security. Their retirement was, in general, guaranteed. That is not the case with Millennials and Gen Z. If we don't find a way to save a million dollars, on our own without any help, we don't get to retire. Not with any decent quality of life, anyway. Especially since multi-generation homes are now a relic of the past and most of us will end up either on our own or in expensive nursing homes.
What that means is that each of today's dollars, for the average consumer, must also somehow be fifty cents at the age of 65 or 70. We have to make trade-offs that our grandparents simply did not have to make; we have to account for the opportunity cost and long-term value of our dollars in a way that they simply did not have to (all while earning less in real wages). Especially since healthcare in the U.S. is criminally overpriced and unreliable, and a medical emergency during retirement (the most likely time for it) would be financially ruinous.
Our grandparents faced no such pressure on their money; they didn’t have to become wealthy just to live. A dollar was a dollar, and they either saved it or didn’t.
The best reason to do anything is because you want to be the kind of person who did.
That is the reward, and it's the only reward.
Being religious is bullshit. But not being religious is also bullshit. So where does that leave us? With the most distinct of human feelings: endlessly asking ourselves the question, “What the fuck if?”
A few ideas on listening to happy people:
If you say something controversial, pay attention to how happy people respond. Because they're correct. Ignore everyone else.
If there's a debate going on, the happy people are correct. Because the miserable people are probably wrong about everything, including this.
If happy people agree with you, you said something smart. If unhappy people agree with you, you said something stupid.
I heard someone say that you don't need to study the past, because it won't solve the problems of the present. And it's hard to imagine a more incorrect thing a person could say.
There's a small set of problems that humans run into (or create) over and over. The present is just a matter of figuring out which one.
The price of real estate inside your mind should be high.
Why are psychedelics so much better at treating depression?
The saddest thing about anti-depressants isn’t that so many people are on them. It’s that they don’t work. We have scaled a solution that doesn’t work to millions upon millions of people — a significant portion of our population.
Anti-depressants are like a sling for a broken arm. They simply manage further danger so you can start healing. Anti-depressants do exactly nothing to actually heal you.
Which is why the conversation about psychedelics continues to grow and intensify: people are having life-changing experiences on psychedelics, the same way you might by making lifestyle changes, social changes, or health changes. Big, huge changes in perspective and mental health. Almost like a cheat code.
I have tried mushrooms, LSD, and ketamine multiple times. (Not legally, but that's not the point.) They are ego-death drugs.
The beautiful thing about psychedelics, and the reason they categorically outcompete “anti-depression” drugs, is simple: these are drugs that strip away your ego. They take all of the extraneous and silly troubles in your life and murder them — at least temporarily, while under the influence. They remove them, they clear your vision. Leaving you free to deal with those of your problems that actually matter. Which often isn't that many.
I fully support “doing the work” to make yourself less depressed. And I also fully support psychedelics.
80% of what you do today should make a later version of you grateful.
The other 20% is for whatever the hell you want to do. Including nothing.
Once you've reached the life you want, you can reverse these numbers.
If you want to find people who are not easily fooled, look for people who see hot trends and ignore them completely.
You can spot very quickly a man who never reads.
He has never spent any time emotionally inhabiting other bodies. He has never felt what it's like to be someone like Atticus Finch or Edmond Dantès. He has only lived his own, singular life.
And he still clings to the same personality traits and defense mechanisms he had as a child. It's like buying a suit right off the rack and wearing it forever.
If you meet someone famous, or someone older/wiser/admired, don't act like a fan. Fans are seen as incompetent and unserious.
Treat them as equals, but with the respect their experience deserves. Ask them interesting questions and have a conversation.
This will earn you way more clout and maybe even opportunities with them. Being a “fan” earns you exactly zero clout.
50 Cent is one of my absolute favorite people. He's the perfect combination of gentleman, hard-ass, and kid.
There's a certain self-respect that comes with getting older. Society requires that self-respect to function properly.
Younger people are supposed to be put in their place by older people. “Public” is not supposed to be a place run by teenagers, with adults at the mercy of kids.
For instance when someone is disruptively filming a TikTok in public, they should be made fun of by absolutely everyone.
A man’s worth is tied directly to the responsibilities he follows through on.
The reason so many young men are struggling, and living at home too long, and feeling un-manly, is because they aren’t responsible for anything. Both because responsibility isn’t available to them (can’t afford a home, etc.) and because no one is forcing it upon them.
We have too many useless young men, and therefore we have too many depressed and miserable young men.
And guess who else loses in this scenario? Women. Why would they want to date us? We suck.
Never start an apology with “I'm sorry if.” Because what follows will be bullshit. “I'm sorry if” is you sneakily putting the blame on the other person.
Either apologize fully (“I'm sorry I”) or don't apologize at all.
Fiction and metaphor solved thousands of years ago most of the human problems that psychology tries to solve today.
When in doubt, read great stories. That's always going to be the best advice in the universe.
In fact, don’t even wait for “doubt.” Just read great stories anyway.
Drink some water.
JR
“Unfortunately some people were not put in your life to evolve. They're here to remind you what it looks like if you don't.” - Unknown
Lots of good thoughts. I'm just a little confused by the grandparents retirement section. I get the general idea that pensions are better than 401k, but retirement has never been "easy". People have always struggled to have enough to stop working. There was a small window of people born from 1920 or so through 1945 or so, who had long careers with pensions. But they also lived through the depression, wars, and collapses in stock and housing prices in the 70's, 80's and 90's and the dot com bust in 2000's. My point is yes pensions need to come back and 401k's suck. But even with a pension, it's still hard to have a decent retirement.
The primary purpose of movies (superhero or not) is entertainment. You probably thinking too much about it when you said
"the rise in superhero movies is a direct result of people not being able to realistically see themselves as heroes."