The Meaning of Life Is An Answer, Not a Question
It’s really easy to get hung up on the who, what, where, when, why of life. It’s easy to get trapped in what-if thoughts about our circumstances: “Do I have all the right friends?” “Do I have the right job?” “Am I making enough money?” “Should I move?” “When am I going to get what I really want?”
Who, what, where, when, and why don’t matter so much. More often than not those questions actually serve as distractions. What matters most is how we live.
You don’t necessarily have to take Pascal’s Wager, but you do have to live with love and care and honesty. Because there is no good outcome from not doing so. There is very limited upside in being short-sighted and impatient and hedonistic. It’s fun for a while and then it’s a prison. I’ve been there. I lived years of my life with nothing but pleasure in mind. I lived impatiently, with no sense of identity and no sense of meaning underpinning my actions and emotions. It’s dark and scary there. Having no sense of meaning is not a good place to be.
But the upside is unlimited when you are authentic and grounded in sturdy principles. When you develop a sense of identity upon which all of your decisions are grounded. Against which all of your thoughts are measured.
There is only one way to ensure the best possible outcome in life. And that is by responding to the How question with a good answer.
Whether your goal is to get into Heaven, or to leave a good legacy, or simply end your life with a healthy spirit… aligning yourself with timeless and universal principles, and a deep sense of meaning, is the best shot you have. And I use the word meaning, not the word purpose — because purpose implies an achievable goal. It implies that you are a means to an end. I prefer the word meaning, where there is no end in mind. There is just you, continuously existing in the best possible state because you’re actively engaged with what matters to you.
In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey talks about how each person’s unique meaning and sense of direction in life can be found on an individual basis. It is not prescribed to us, it is not invented — it is found. It is detected. Discovered.
And then, once we’ve discovered what is meaningful and worthwhile to us, we can make the decision to be authentic about it and actively pursue it. To actively value it.
I always envied the people who knew early on in their lives what they wanted to be when they grew up. “How convenient,” I thought. How nice it must be to know from the time you’re 12 precisely what you’re working towards. Meanwhile I was a directionless ball of slime with nothing to be proud of other than a few participation trophies.
But all that time I spent envying others was wasted. Because over time I have found things I want to be doing, dreams I want to work towards, and values that I want to stand up for. That last one is the most important one. Values worth embodying and defending. I have discovered a sense of identity through the detection of what’s really important to me. That’s the only reason I’m sober, and it’s the only reason I’m on a good trajectory in life. Hopefully towards better and better things.
One of the things I’ve discovered is that I like writing with the intent of connecting with people and helping people. That’s important to me. That’s why I’m writing this blog. And that’s why it’s free.
In The 7 Habits, Covey continues by describing how it’s a mistake to delegate our sense of meaning to other people or things. To rely on a big paycheck or lots of internet likes to give us a sense of value. To think “I’ll be happy if,” or to get a sense of direction from the outside world. He goes on to quote Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor and an expert of multiple disciplines:
Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather must recognize that it is he who is asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible.
We detect what is important to us, what values and actions are worth standing up for, and then we stand up for them. We detect which sense of direction feels worth traveling in, and we start moving. Each action we take is a vote that we cast towards what kind of person we want to be. And towards what kind of world we want to live in.
Every day when we wake up, we are given a ballot with empty boxes on it. Every thing we do throughout the day and every thought we allow to take up our mental real estate is a vote. A vote for something and a simultaneous vote against everything else that could be in its place. That ballot is handed to us whether we asked for it or not. Life is made up of the compounding effects of one’s own decisions. And the world is made up of the compounding effects of the decisions of all individuals, and the communities they comprise.
In some sense, what exists outside of us is a direct reflection of what is going on inside of us. We get what we vote for. It is no surprise, then, that people who are impatient and self-centered often find themselves complaining about having unreliable friends and bad days. It’s no surprise that people who are work-centered complain about having a bad family life. It’s no surprise that people who put way too much of their identity into a church, or a hobby, or a relationship find that if that thing goes away they feel empty and lost.
And it is also no surprise, then, that the sturdiest people you know have a sense of identity that is grounded within themselves. Your sturdy friend John is always your sturdy friend John no matter what job he has or who he’s dating. Because he has made decisions about who he’s going to be. He has made decisions about what is important to him, and those things remain important regardless of what is going on inside or outside his home. Being a values-driven person has no replacement in the external world. You’re either at the whims of the world, or you’re a sturdy person on your own.
And the most sturdy and satisfied people I know all have a deep sense of meaning and responsibility in their lives. They are responsible for something. They are the champion of something. Not in a loud, look-at-me-on-Twitter kind of way, but in a quiet, endlessly reliable way.
The meaning of life, therefore, is not some cosmic question to be answered. It is an answer to be given by us. Through what we choose to prioritize.
And of course, what we prioritize can change over time as we read, learn, grow, and experience things. The tectonic plates of our principles, values, and priorities shift over time. And that is okay. That’s how it’s supposed to be — evolving is good. Only a fool would think that it’s not okay to evolve over time.
I have learned a lot about myself through reading lots of books. And I have learned a lot about myself through writing this blog. A sense of direction doesn’t have to make itself apparent all at once — we just have to notice when it shows up. We get moving and adjust as we go. And, when we are given the opportunity to take responsibility for something we value, we do so willingly and nobly.
I wish I had learned this sooner. But, better now than never. I’m no longer chasing an answer to “what is the meaning of life?”. That question will never be answered for us. I’m creating the meaning of life. I’m telling the world what the meaning of my life is. By trying my absolute hardest to be in alignment with what matters to me. What I know is worth living for.
Take full responsibility for a glass of water and then drink it
JDR
“I’ve never been disappointed with authenticity.” - Jim Carrey