Optimism and Footwork

Optimism and footwork are the two essential ingredients for doing just about anything.

But to start with, optimism is a tricky thing.

On one hand, it’s essentially the only thing that keeps human beings alive. The belief that things will be better someday. The belief that the future holds something for us that we do not currently have.

On the other hand, optimism is quite worthless without footwork. Hope about what you might have in the future will never be realized if you're not doing something to move deliberately towards that future. Nothing is free. And, even if it is, hoping that something is free is a losing strategy. People who spend their whole lives hoping for something free end up with a lot of nothing and maybe a little of whatever was free.

Mostly nothing.

Optimism is a very productive human phenomenon. Because it drives. But it can also lead you into traps. Like recklessness, greed, and self-delusion. And it can also lead you to ignore good things that are right in front of you. In looking towards the horizon, you miss what is at your feet or your side.

And there are also good and bad kinds of optimism.

I think bad optimism is what leads you to be complacent or take unhealthy risks. It’s asking something of the world. It’s making a demand or thinking that you’re entitled to something.

I think good optimism is what makes you take healthy risks and live your life with love instead of fear. It’s giving the world more opportunities to give you opportunities, by staying busy doing useful things.

And good optimism does not expect anything; it simply knows that living with love and openness and boldness is better than sitting around waiting. Waiting for what? Right, exactly.

Maybe one day life will just happen to bring the right partner into your life. Or a sudden opportunity to make way more money. Or a sudden influx of excellent friends or exciting activities to participate in.

But to count on that happening is like playing the lottery. A strategy that turns almost all who try it into losers, and even most of the winners into losers.

And, frankly, you have no idea what you want. Nobody does. Life is made of surprises, parlayed. The happiest people I know don’t get precisely what they ask for all the time. They just keep laughing at their own shattered plans and saying “you know what, this works too.”

Don’t just pray about it

Sometimes I hear people say "just pray about it."

I almost always hate when people say this. Because it is dismissive of human effort. It is dismissive of either good optimism or footwork, or even both.

In Alcoholics Anonymous, one of the 12 Steps is to turn your will and your life over to the care of your higher power. And it’s extremely common for newcomers to misunderstand this step. It’s easy to see this and think “well if I do this, I’ll end up somewhere off in the desert fighting holy wars, or doing some crazy religious stuff that I don’t want to do.” Or it’s easy to see this and think “oh, well that’s easy. I just trust God with my problem and it’ll be gone.”

But that’s not it. That’s not the idea. The idea is very simple: you turn yourself over to a program; you turn yourself over to doing work. Because the work, diligently attended to, produces the desired outcome. That’s it. It’s not any more complicated than that.

Prayer, to me, is often misinterpreted to mean some sort of solution. When some people say "pray about it," what they're saying is "wait for resolution to be given to you." What they mean is "don't look for an answer in the real world; look for an answer in the clouds."

I don't subscribe to that.

And of course I know that not all people mean it that way. But there’s a fine line between “pray about it” and “forget that it’s actually your problem to solve.” It’s easy to cross that line.

I do believe in prayer if it's expressing gratitude. Or asking to be shown a direction to move. Or, best of all, asking to be shown which of my copious weaknesses are holding me back. Keeping me from getting or doing what I ought to.

But again, there’s that “getting” thing. If I’m praying to receive something, I’m most likely praying wrong. Praying selfishly. What I should be praying about is what I ought to be doing. Which inadequate or expired parts of me I ought to be dropping so I can move forward.

And what that means is that there is footwork to be done once I have the answer. Or, more likely, once I have a suggestion or a brief moment of clarity. I don't expect life to "give me an answer.” I expect life to treat me like an encouraging parent would: to show me how to go about finding an answer for myself, even if it’s going to hurt.

And the thing is, not all prayers are answered. Most, in fact, are not. For good reason. Because they’re bad prayers. Because they’re asking for something, not offering something.

The work of feet

And in the meantime, what am I going to do? Stop doing footwork? Stop moving? While I'm waiting for life to "show" me something that it may or may not show me, am I just going to sit around and waste away? No. Because footwork is required now too.

Life shows to those who are looking. And I don't mean looking with the expectation of an answer. I mean looking just because looking is better than not looking. There's a difference.

Sometimes people praise God when they win a football game. Or when something good happens for them. And, if you're religious, great. Praise your god.

But do not miss the opportunity to praise human effort. Because that is what needs reinforcement. God doesn't need reinforcement.

I saw a video of a lady and her son in front of a computer. The son was surprising his mother on camera by showing her his acceptance into law school.

And the first thing she did was praise God.

It's hard not to feel bad for the son at that point. I mean... God didn't graduate top-of-class from your son’s high school. Your son did. God didn't write outstanding letters to universities and earn himself an excellent reputation among his peers. Your son did.

In that video, it felt like the mother was making his success about herself. Her emotional outburst gave away her true emotions: she felt like she was being blessed. She was making the whole situation about her. Instead of about her one-in-a-million, magnificent child who had worked his ass off to earn this.

"Isn't God great?" Yes, sure, but so are the people who did the work.

One of my favorite rules about interacting with children (and it also applies to adults): praise effort, not attributes. Don’t tell your child how smart she is — that serves no purpose other than to flatter her. And, honestly, it can be counterproductive. Because one day if she encounters something she can’t figure out, she’ll feel that much worse because all you ever told her was how smart she was. Now she feels like a phony or a letdown.

Praise instead the courage and discipline she put into learning the lines of her school play. Or the weeks of effort she put into the painting she just finished. Tell her that you saw how hard she worked, and how she gave herself to something even when it sucked, and that you’re so proud of her. That counts for ten times more than just praising some static thing about her. Something that she didn’t have to earn.

What you want to do is show people that you’re paying attention to what they’re up to, waiting to congratulate them when they’re done — even if they failed. That reinforces good optimism and it reinforces doing the work, no matter the outcome.

Human footwork is what makes things happen, even if you’re religious. Human effort is desperately in need of positive reinforcement. Because if it's not reinforced properly, it will be abandoned. The happiest and saddest thing I’ve ever seen, is how little encouragement a person actually needs to feel good about himself — and how little of it some people get. It’s heartbreaking.

Having a sense of direction is wonderful, but it's really just a lucky bonus. And if you don't have one, you have to keep moving anyway. Because life doesn't often give lucky breaks to people who aren't even trying.

I have found, over and over in my life, that as long as I'm doing something with myself, little hints and nudges and opportunities will present themselves to me. They’re almost never what I expected, and they’re almost never what I hoped for. But that’s okay. I usually end up somewhere pretty cool anyway.

Drink some water and tell someone you’re proud of them.

JDR

“He who seeks rest finds boredom. He who seeks work finds rest.” - Dylan Thomas